Have you ever met that one person who is able to not only make you smile but who you also want to grab by the neck each time they look at you? Well welcome to my world. It seems today that no one can ever just be nice. What ever happened to “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” I seem to have also missed the memo that it is okay to completely ignore someone only to draw them in with sweet words and gestures the next day. Am I the only one who feels this way?
This blog is probably going to just end up being a ranting moment for me and a hope that someone out there reading this, understands and can relate to it. And to all of you currently reading this, yes, it IS about a guy again so if you aren’t interested, don’t read it.



To continue this for anyone who may still be reading, As you know I don’t reveal the names of the particular person I speak of however, most of you who know me usually can guess who I am speaking of. Although no one outside of my current “hangout” crew would know, my most recent relationship went to hell. Not necessarily in a bad way but in a way that angers me from time to time.
This guy was definitely out of my comfort zone FOR SURE. I won’t tell you why simply because you’ll easily guess if I say (and I like making you guys think.) Anyway, he seemed sweet, kind hearted, headstrong, and everything every girl looks for in a guy pretty much. We got along really well. We laughed, joked, and even made fun of one another. It was nearly the ideal relationship every teenager wants. A guy who can make you smile at your saddest moments, someone who can make you feel safe at your most insecure times. Someone who you can make fun of and be mean to but at the end of the day you both know you love each other. It was EXACTLY like that. What could have POSSIBLY gone wrong? We barely argued and when we did nearly 20 minutes later it was back to laughing. Well, it turns out that quote everyone says, “Too good to be true” is EXTREMELY true.
After a while we kind of grew distant. I put my walls up in fear of saying too much and he got irritated at that. All of you remember the post before this, about the guy who changed my life for the worst? Well, as you know in that relationship I didn’t care what he did or who he was with out of trust/ He ended up cheating because he felt like I didn’t care. So naturally, whatever didn’t work the first time around, you do the opposite next time hoping things would be better. Well that didn’t work for me. I apparently cared TOO much this time. Ironic right? Just my luck.. He went ballistic after I gave ONLY MY OPINION on what he planned to do that weekend. IT WAS JUST AN OPINION GUYS!! We went from a great relationship to done in 24 hours. All his choice which, hey, if it makes him happy, let em’ right?
After we broke up we went days without speaking. I still saw him everyday which of course, was difficult. Well finally I put my foot down. I needed an explaination of what he was thinking cause I was contantly getting mixed messages. We were on the phone for 4 hours straight. And he admitted to lying about EVERYTHING he told me at the start of our relationship, but apparently it’s okay because by the end he felt it... is it just me or is that NOT okay? Lying is NEVER okay whether or not you really meant it WEEKS after. Of course, I got mad. Three things I hate MOST in a relationship are liars, cheaters, and people who make me look like an idiot. I can’t handle it. He did 2 of the 3. I was pissed.
Lets skip about a week and half to today shall we? I found out some health problems I have and he was one person I told. He seemed concerned, wanting to know what happened and every current news I found out. Well for the last 3 days we haven’t spoken. So I am to the point where maybe we shouldn’t speak anymore, besides it’s unfair to drag someone in these problems anyway, right? So I gave myself closure and admitted to myself finally that you just cannot trust anyone. I let it and him go. Then this morning after not speaking and after not having any gestures made towards one another he climbs on our bus and looks me in my eyes and runs his hand down my arm..... NO. DON’T SIT HERE AND MAKE A KIND GESTURE TO ME KNOWING I NEED IT AFTER NOT SPEAKING TO ME FOR THREE DAYS! JUST, NO!
I know, I know, it was nothing quit over reacting.. if you guys only knew the stress and anger I have towards this guy right now you would understand.. You either talk to someone or you don;t there is NO in between . Sorry . Is it just me or do you guys agree? You can’t go days not speaking to someone making them think you want nothing to do with them only to turn around and make kind gestures. Its almost like you are luring in your victim only to slap them in the face.
Now, I am in a controversy.  Do I ignore him and just let everything go and continue on not speaking to him or should I take the gesture as an indication that he wants to speak to me? I don’t even know... but that is how I feel and I hope maybe one of you readers can relate and it helped you in some way. If it didn’t I apologize but I feel much better.

We all make mistakes.

     

 We have all heard the quote, “You never know what you have till you have lost it” and I couldn’t relate to that more than I have these last 6 months. In a matter of 24 hours, I lost my car, my phone, my job, my friends, some family, and all of my school achievements.

How did all this happen? Well it’s a simple yet stupid answer, it was all for a guy.. Yeah I said it, a guy. Someone I thought I loved and who loved me the same but it turned out, he was just a player who played the game better than anyone I have ever seen. He went as far as lying about being a sexual assault victim like I am.. Ridiculous right? That’ll teach someone not to trust. However, before things went sour between us I loved him. He was sweet, loving and caring of anyone and everyone. It seemed like he had a future going for him. He was a state champion wrestler for the high school and was a top track star as well. He was a senior, I mean hey, what girl wouldn’t fall for a guy who resembled Vin Diesel? I instantly grew fond of this guy.

The first time I met him I was working open house for the high school. I was highly involved with a club and was even promoted to vice president alongside my bestfriend. He walked in with my bestfriends boyfriend and his smile caught my eye first. He was in a muscle tee and you could see the definition of his arms each time he moved and it was breathtaking, ridiculous again isn’t it? However, he approached me and immediately I was speechless. When I heard his voice it was like listening to Vin Diesel speak in Riddick, yeah it was THAT amazing. Anyways, back on topic, (don’t laugh at me) we started hanging out around the school before the open house started and he made me laugh at nearly everything. He picked me up and ran with me around the construction room and when he put me down and looked into my eyes, I was gone.

We started dating and things were great. I was really happy with this guy and he seemed happy too. As soon as I could trust him I told him about what happened to me. It hurt him, as it does to everyone who hears the story, but he was there for me. He said he understood, but never went into detail. After months of dating and great memories, laughs and smiles things went downhill...
I caught him sexting his bestfriend, and even getting photos from one of my bestfriends.. I also walked in on him with a friend of mine and it was devistating. However, I believe a relationship is preperation for marriage and that a couple should work out anything and everything that comes up, so I stayed and he apologized..

We broke up after I caught him a fourth time and me being so in love with this guy, when he asked to be FWBs I didn’t refuse. We snuck around behind his girlfriends back and I became the one thing I left him for... I was giving him everything he wanted. I finally broke it off and for months we didn’t speak. After awhile he called me. He wanted things to work, realized he made a mistake.. I knew it was a bad idea but I still loved this guy and when you’re in love you just don’t think straight.

Things were getting serious again and I started rebelling against my mother to see him. I would go to his house after school just to see him, I would take him places so we could hangout. I would meet him at flatrock and we would go to our special spot where no one saw us. Well, My mother and I grew apart. She knew what was happening and when I was caught, enough was enough and I was sent away. In the same day I moved houses, lost my car, switched schools, and had no contact with any of my friends. I lost my best friends and every accomplishment I had at that school. I lost both career paths and everything I knew was lost.

Just like that I lost everything I ever knew. Not even 24 hours and my entire life did a 180 why? because I thought if I did everything for this guy that he would stay around.. Where is he now? Who knows? Last I heard he got in a car wreck and was homeless.. attractive right?

I write these blogs, not to just talk but to show you guys the everyday mistakes we make as teens. This blog is to show you guys not to believe everything you hear and to not let a stupid thing like a guy ruin your life. Stick to your plan and if the guy/girl you are with doesn’t like it, guess what? THEY ARENT WORTH IT.

UPDATE!

Hey guys!

Been a while since I have posted and a lot of you have been asking when my next post will be and here it is! Nothing much to this one just an update on your writer!

Haven't been blogging simply because of the fact I haven't had much to write about but I have a new post coming soon so be on the lookout darlings! Been having a lot happen lately I think most of you can relate to (girls especially) so on to telling you about what's been going on!

I have just recently gotten out of a relationship (sucks right?) and I have been going back to work. I am also rebuilding a crumbling relationship with God. As of right now he is my main focus and I am just awaiting on the right guy to be placed into my life by him.

I also just got back from Athens, Ga on a school trip, there was a competition but unfortunately I did not place for nationals but the  experience was GREAT! Met new people and made friends from other schools here in town so I am quite thrilled. I have also been in fitness training (I know right? Go ahead and laugh) I have lost 30 POUNDS! I am also doing a 5k run here in town on the 23rd so I am stoked about that.

But as for now that's about it! Be looking out for my new post topic? Relationships, with your best friend and also being tied between people. So be on the lookout! I love you all!!