Sitting here listening to the rain, I feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. My long battle for my freedom is finally over. What has been my one and only focus for 8 months has now disintegrated into victory.
Two battles. One to which lasted a day, the other in which lasted 5.
Battle one. I was pinned. Looking into the eyes of a coward as he held me at my wrists and neck. His deep blue eyes burning me. The tattoos he wore stain my memories forever. The pressure of his body on mine. The struggle. My ears hear only my voice saying fight. Pushing, Squirming. I was helpless and weak. I was the loser. The pain of the penetration each time he thrusted. The hot tears from my eyes roll down the side of my face as my fear welts inside of me. I close my eyes, helpless with no hope. My mind starts to race. “This is it. My life, it’s over. This is how I am going to die.” The tears stroll faster. Eyes still closed, weak, unable to fight anymore, the pressure from his body is gone. I open them at the time my body was jerked. Now I am in the car. My mind still races. My body is in pain, the tears still stroll. Trying to come to sense, what happened. I didn’t ask for this. Why. Then, that fearful word, the word no girl wants to hear let alone experience comes to my mind as I put all the nights sequencing actions together. I was raped. My tears flow again. Appearing out of the window, my mind says jump out.Run. Then my sense comes in. If you do so, he could kill you. My glance then moves. Now I am staring at the man who took my innocence away. Blonde hair, blue eyes, tattoos, I was staring my greatest fear into the eyes. His piercing glance causes me to look down. What I saw? blood. The red streaks and splotches covered the zipper area of him. I then jerk my head back to the window. My mind then starts trying to find a way to get out. I think, then it comes to me. We get back to the house in which I was staying. He parks and I run and get my phone and charge out of the door. The little bit of strength I had left I used to run. I called the only person I knew was in that area. He proceeds to insist I call the cops. Fearful of trouble, I hesitate. Then my fear of murder motivates the call. I reached the fire station. Tired, in pain, I fall to my knees I am exhausted and scared. What seems in a matter of seconds. Police are there. I was escorted to the car where he then proceeded to tell me to call a family member. Driving out of the station he turns the direction I just ran from. Scared I ask what he is doing and he tells me I have to identify the house. Scared, I go into a panic. After identifying the place my life was changed I was taken to hospital. This, was where I realized that what you see on these shows like NCIS and CSI are REAL. They pulled hair, scraped under my nails, and did other painful things to which I though was the end of me. Hours upon hours I sat there, then, a phone call. Let it go to voicemail, when I listened, my body went into shock as I heard his voice say my name. I froze, my father then came to ask what happened and I gave him the phone. The police then arrested him and I was taken to the investigators office where I sat infront of a camera and was forced to state and relive the moment that changed my life. After answering questions from people that felt as if were harassing me I was able to go home. That night changed me. My innocence and virginity was stolen from me. That is a part of me I won’t be able to give to the love of my life. That night lives with me and will remain to until I die. This man had me pinned at my weakest point and took advantage of me. The nightmares haunt me, waking up, screaming and crying in fear of him. My life has been changed, forever.
Battle two. HE was pinned. Sitting in a courtroom as he hears all over what he did. He heard my voice on the phone with the cops. The fear and helplessness my voice created echoing throughout the courtroom and hopefully his ears. The sound of a little girl, crying in fear because of what he did. The sound of a little girls life changing forever because of his actions and he has to sit there and see me on the stand, cry and panic. Our eyes met again in this battle. Instead of his eyes burning in mine, mine burned in his. He saw me and the little girl he ruined. He saw the seriousness in my face as I stated that night and the want in my voice to put him away. To protect other girls from him. I got off the stand, my strength faded as soon as that door closed, I collapsed to the floor. Tunnel vision came through, the verge of passing out and then I am surrounded by my family. I then see the girl I was fighting for. My bestfriend, Tori Harris. My mind then went from fear to happiness knowing I SAVED her. That my purpose for getting up there was complete. 3 days later, I’m back in the courtroom. He is still pinned. He sits there awaiting to hear how he will spend his life. After hours of waiting it comes. The verdict.
Rape. Not Guilty.
Sexual Assault. Not Guilty.
Drugs. Guilty.
Statutory Rape. Guilty.
22 years prison. 10 years probation. Registered sex offender. I have won. My life is now back. My freedom. The change from victim to survivor has been made. I am a victor. My days of suffering are over and his have just begun. He can now sit in his cell picturing my face, reliving what he did as I move on. The battle for my life is won and his, lost.
Jason Howell .vs. Samantha Roberts round 1: Jason [one day]
Jason Howell .vs. Samantha Roberts round 2: Samantha. [32 years]
